And tonight she obsesses about –

  • Regina Spektor. Was there ever a more beautiful, lyrical voice? Ever? This music makes me imagine I’m in some smoky bar surrounded by people I don’t know, watching one chick play a piano. Tonight I want to be in that bar, surrounded by people I don’t know and who don’t know me.

  • My homemade spaghetti.

  • Kevin Pietersen. Phwoar!

  • The smell of my new fabric softener.

  • The latest episode of The Office.

‘???you were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other ho’s in the world. And then suddenly, she’s not your ho no mo.’

  • Following that, trawling the interweb for Office spoilers. Why the hell can’t I just care about things a little bit? Why do I have to go all internet stalker when I dig something? I really bug myself with that.

  • The green glass bottles that hold the sparkling water that I picked up really cheap from the supermarket. The green is not really bottle green, ironically, nor is it apple green. It’s not really a sea green either – maybe a translucent emerald green? Maybe I’m putting too much thought into this.

  • Clean sheets (washed in new, previously mentioned, fabric softener).

  • Lyrics like this –

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first beneath
The stars came falling on our hats
But they’re just old light, they’re just old light
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
Told me I was beautiful and
Came to my bed
Oh I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors in yellow light
And he told me that I’d done alright
And kissed me till the morning light, the morning light
And he kissed me till the morning light

Holy Moly.

  • The sudden, indescribable urge to hear the song ‘Without You’ by Silverchair. That song is all kinds of awesome.

  • Who I should contact when I got to Wagga for Christmas this year. Adam, Peter and I always catch up at Christmas. I think there’s a good chance Peter will be back from NZ this year, but Adam probably won’t make the trek down. Which kinda sucks, because catching up with the two of them is usually the highlight of Christmas. I might send them an email.

  • The game plan for Christmas shopping tomorrow. I’m already getting snarky thinking about the people and the parking and the consumer free for all, so the plan is to get in and get out, BAM. I figure if I get to Eckersleys by, like, 9AM when the doors open, I can get to the shopping centre at around 9:30AM. This means, hopefully, I’m out by 10:30AM. Yes. That’s the plan.

  • Whether or not I should go to bed. Probably, even though I’m unlikely to sleep.

Where friends and strangers sometimes meet

I always know when things are getting bad. In my head, I mean. I start misconstruing anything anyone says to me, my over analysis of all situations goes to the crazy end of ridiculous, and I start playing songs on repeat. The last two nights it’s been Seasick by Something for Kate and Let Down by Radiohead. I’m fairly sure that’s not healthy. It’s like that thing Rob says in High Fidelity – do I listen to pop music because I’m miserable, or am I miserable because I listen to pop music? Perhaps I should test that theory and play Accidentally Kelly Street by Frente on repeat for the next 48 hours.

Actually, in some sort of ironic twist, Mum phoned me at the start of the week to request a mix CD. She does this every so often, but this one is a little different. She tells me she’s seeing a psychiatrist and this time I think she means it. She tells me she’s talking about all the fucked up relationships she has going on right now – this makes me very, very happy. The woman asked her what made her happy – she said one thing was music. She’s asked for a mix CD of happy songs – songs that will get you out of a funk, no matter how bad it is. I’ve made mixes like this for her before, but I think this needs to be a whole new level of happy. Maybe I’ll post the track list when I’m done.

Also, the 12 month anniversary of this website passed yesterday, kinda without me noticing. I don’t know if I want to laugh or cry about the fact that the momentous occasion was marked with a post opening with ‘today sucked’ and ended with being a chess dork.

And tonight I’m not writing about work, or the nasty, nasty knot inside of me that started at around 10AM this morning and hasn’t really unclenched yet. The plan is to stay up until midnight, and then fall asleep to Tony Delroy and the Nightlife Challenge.

I’m sad that Adam and Tony won’t be on from next week. I will live, but I will be sad. It’s another reason to look forward to next year.

2007. I’m hesitating to say it’s going to be a brilliant year, because I have learnt my lesson there. I feel potential though, and for now that’s more than enough.


Today sucked. Nothing else to it really. It was just one of those days that started bad and got worse.

Tomorrow the boss leaves for 3 days, so at least that’s something. And I don’t actually have plans this weekend. That’s something else. Well, plans apart from Christmas shopping, cleaning and drawing dogs. Huzzah!

Also, I really want to find someone who’ll play chess with me. I don’t care if that makes me a dork.

I can’t get no sleep

The last 2 weeks has seen a prolonged period of stupid insomnia. My body winds down around 10PM, but my head doesn’t until at least 2 in the morning. My body aches and my throat hurts and I can literally feel my immune system falling to its knees. I’ve become one of those paranoid people that doesn’t want to interact with anyone at work – they’re all sick with some sort of cold or virus and all I have to say to that is NO THANKS. Keep your disease to yourself, please.

So tonight, directly after I’ve posted this, I’m going to bed.

I’m been rampaging quietly and not so quietly to anyone who’ll listen recently about the new shopping centre opening in Windsor. Windsor is a heritage town with paved pedestrian malls, store fronts over 150 years old and locally owned stores like butchers, bakeries and chemists. They’ve recently ‘revamped’ part of the main street in Windsor, with new stores and tiny malls. They can’t fill the stores. So what do they do? Open a 20 odd store shopping mall with a Dick Smith and a Millers and a Duffy Bros fruit market. It’s maddening.

What is slightly disturbing though, is tonight when I went into Coles for the first time since the opening (sometimes, at that time of night, you need something bigger than the Wilberforce IGA) I noticed they’re putting in a food court. In this food court they are going to have sushi.

Sushi in Windsor.

And now I hate myself because a tiny part of me, completely oblivious to any socially conscious thought in my brain, started a party right there and then. God damn it. It sucks that there isn’t a way I can hate the idea and at the same time eat the sushi, without feeling hypocritical. It’s the same as saying you’re always going to shop at the local record store – sometimes JB Hifi is the only place that’s going to have what you’re after.

Anyway, I’m sure there’s something about balance here. I’m just too tired to think about it right now.

You know

There is no better sound, smell and sensation than a summer storm in full tilt. The rain is crazy, the lightening is right over us and the thunder is a constant rumble from one side of the sky to the other, culminating in ear bursting, crashing noise every minute or so.

I have really, really missed this.


Wow the weather right now is really something else. I got lightening to the left of me, enormous black clouds in front, and plumes of bushfire smoke to the right.

I give the power maybe one hour before it goes out.

Tonight there is –

  • Some amount of relief that last night bought some clarity regarding certain things and certain directions and certain decisions. More on that in coming days I’m sure.

  • Anxiety and almost panic about the upcoming week at work. This is not a good thing and has everything to do with me losing maybe a whole day to organizing the Christmas party. Next year we are SO going to have someone else do it.

  • Questions about certain interactions last night. Wondering if the way things ended up was okay and what the next few weeks will bring.

  • Exhaustion due to a massive weekend filled with fun stuff and not so fun stuff and surprisingly awesome music.

  • A headache. Right behind my eyes.

  • A silent prayer for motivation. The last few weeks I have been pushing through things fairly half-assed, getting bare minimum done to get through each day. As a result of this I’m now neck deep in stuff that needs urgent attention. This is not helping my second point up there.

Last night was great. Venus Vespa were great. Elephant Mojo were great. The Indigo Frequency not so much. In the end it wasn’t such a huge group of us, but enough to make it fun. Seeing bands we didn’t know and drinking too much and laughing at the idiots who frequent clubs in Bondi and dancing very badly was great gobs of fun.

And it was good seeing the ocean again. I actually don’t have a great affinity with the ocean. It always solicits fairly strong emotions from me, but they’re more emotions that make me uncomfortable. I never really feel drawn to it or inspired by it or anything like that – not like I’ve heard other people describe. Last night though, when Josh and I took a walk down to the water in the dark, the energy I felt was very positive. I think maybe it was just so different to what I see day to day, and the energy from the crashing waves and the sinking sand and the heaving water was energizing rather than intimidating.

No way was I going in that water though 😉

Bed now but first a note to my tomorrow self: write about the music. Last night the music was most certainly worth writing about.

God bless the internets

So there was a secret squirrel Mountain Goats gig on the weekend. It’s probably the only time in my life I’ve wished I lived in Southern California. BUT, through the magical mystery world of the internetz, tonight I listened to the whole damn thing in a recording that actually rivals the sound quality of early Mountain Goats releases. And not only that, I watched pretty awesome footage of 7 of the songs. It has all at once got me madly excited and highly impatient about the gig in January.

I’m telling myself there is a fine line between being a fan and flying interstate to see more than one show. Let’s stay on the sane side of crazy, just this once.

Just over a week ago I decided I was going to travel again. Not only that; I was going to plan a massive trip that would be all about art and architecture. The Louve, the Musee d’Orsay, the National Gallery in London, Prague, Barcelona, and??? the Hermitage. Also, I was going to hire a car and spend two weeks driving around Ireland. I have long service leave – I might as well do something with it. It had me giddy and excited and planning again, with something to look forward to other than maybe a weekend free in 4 months.

What I have here, though, is a decision to make. Do I travel again in the next 2 years (particularly the type of trip I want to do), or do I buy a house? I’m not sure I can do both. Even if I go the hostel and/or couch route like I did last time, a European trip of this magnitude is going to cost. And Europe is where I want to go – right now (and perhaps this is a direct reflection on how my day to day life is traveling) I crave art. I crave the emotional reaction I get to a piece of art I’ve never seen before, and I want to be awed by the greatest there ever was. I spent time in Paris in 2001 but I was there no where near long enough – there are things unfinished, paintings to see, and avenues to walk. The Hermitage is something I don’t even dare dream about really – it’s like a magical place somewhere far away that doesn’t truly exist.

A girl can’t always do the smart thing. My boss has been gunning to get me tied to a mortgage for some time – I’m a little too tie-free for her liking right now. If she can help me into a big fat mortgage I can’t afford to leave my job I guess. It’s not the responsibility I’m shirking – the money thing doesn’t actually worry me that much, so long as I’m not financially crippled by the whole thing. I guess it’s the same old thing it’s always been – do I really, truly want to plant my feet here. Something is stopping me answering yes to that question.

I’m just not done yet.

There’s a certain comedy in doing your washing at 11:20PM on a Thursday night. Particularly when you’re a big fraidy cat like I am. I’m not the sort of girl that scares easily – I don’t really scream, ever, and it takes a bit to wig me out generally. I have this thing about stuff I can only partially see though – does that make me scared of the dark? Probably. It’s more about things that look like other things, or things that look like they might be moving, or might be something else. I’m an idiot.

Also, right now I have a fairly massive spider nesting on my clothesline. The downside of this is the size of the berth I’m having to give it to get to and from the laundry, so as not to take down any of the threads in its web. The upside of this is that for the first time in many days my line is free. Bless you incey wincey.

Tomorrow night = work Christmas party. Angela is coming and I could not be happier about that. I miss her, in that, I miss spending time with her. And in January she’s moving to QLD and then I won’t have her here at all. I don’t have enough good friends even remotely nearby to lose one.