How to fight loneliness

March 27th, 2007
  • Sleep.
  • Jelly babies.
  • WILCO.
  • Rinse and repeat.

Tomorrow I will start work at 7:30am and get a lot of shit done.  Also, I will then head home and put some clothes (and a bridesmaid dress) in a bag.  Then on Thursday, I will breathe again.

Thursday.  I can’t hardly wait.

Like a sad record skipping

March 25th, 2007

Everyone has a greatest fear.  People who say they aren’t scared of anything are liars.  Mine, apart from the whole being buried alive thing (don’t even get me started on that scene from Kill Bill 2) is losing the people closest to me.  Through death, sure, because that’s the way these things usually manifest themselves.  But in other ways as well, if I were really being honest.  It’s the reason I’ll usually forgive too much and stay friends with all my exes.  That’s a whole other thing though.

Conversations and situations from today have this fear riding pole position in my head tonight.  You start hearing terms like ‘prolonging life’ and ‘making him as comfortable as possible’ and ‘organ transplant’ and the fear rushes up in you with a gale force and leaves you feeling sick and dizzy.  You’ll do most anything to get rid of that feeling and regain some control over the situation, but really, you’re completely powerless.

I’ve sorta stopped using this here space on the interwebs for writing this sort of thing.  It’s because of a number of reasons, I guess.  It’s all very well to open your heart wide in a public forum, but I’m finding oftentimes it’s good to keep the really close stuff close.  Also, I’m finding rapidly that disillusion comes when you realise nothing will make people in your life (or, outside of it) care about a situation you’re experiencing as much as you do.  This isn’t good or bad, it just is what it is.

So here is a post that’s not about music, or about getting my hair cut, or about listening to ABC radio, but just about being sad.  Because I’m kinda sad tonight.  Tomorrow I will get caught up in the whole circus of fitting 10 million things into 8 (well okay probably 12) hours of work time.  Tonight, though, I’m just gonna roll with it.

OH!

March 25th, 2007

This morning I found THIS.  It’s an mp3 of Death Cab for Cutie doing the song Blacking Out the Friction in Seattle in 2002.  This is not really that exciting.  What IS exciting, however, for this CFG at least, is that toward the end of the track they bust into a verse of THE MESS INSIDE by THE MOUNTAIN GOATS.

Bestill my beating heart.

There’s something so right about Mr Gibbard singing ‘I wanted you, to love me like you used to do’ over and over and over again.

Sigh.

Here it comes? There it goes

March 25th, 2007

So daylight savings has finished. I’m in two minds about this – on one hand it means the end of summer, and invariably leaving work every night after the sun goes down. On the other hand it means cold nights and doonas and overcast skies and bed socks and flannelette pyjamas.

It also means I’m up at 9am on a Sunday.

Also, I had a teeny tiny too much to drink last night. Community service announcement – if you’re feelin’ the melancholy, and you’re looking for reasons to pick fights with yourself, steer clear of the vodka eh?

Yes.

I also need to make lists. Lists of what work stuff I need to get done today, lists of what I need to achieve before I head to Cowra, lists of stuff I need to get done for the wedding, lists of phone calls I need to make and emails I need to send. It’s the only way any of this is going to be achievable.

I’m learning how to say that I’d be happy either way

March 22nd, 2007

I dream in skin scented sentences
Of a stronger faster fiercer you
And to each noun, verb and predicate
I dedicate a vivid hue
But you ain’t done too well
Getting past your permanent pastel
Have you now?

Yeah, the desert seemed so promising
And then it paled somehow

So school is in session
Get your chin off your desk
Now pick up your pencil
And turn over your test
Use your education
And take an educated guess
About me

OOOOOooooooo

March 20th, 2007

This is not the sort of blog that usually posts YouTube videos, but A) I have had a really horrible day and here is a post and B) the whole world needs to see this.

I am very serious.

That’s because this video, is of Elbow at the Playground Weekender music festival I attended a little over a week ago, playing the song McGreggor. I already wrote about how won over I was by thier set, but this video (even with the really crappy sound and image quality) is proof of why.

Like you needed it.

I fear I may slowly have killed it

March 19th, 2007

Where have you been, my heat, my shadow?
How well did you like the song?
I filled it so full of nonsense and unrule
You feel like there’s something forgotten or fell
You feel like there’s something forgotten or fell

Pale with horror, I saw you when your bird flew
Now who in the whole low world has been kind to you
Save for a kindly, ugly few?
Don’t read it, don’t watch it, don’t do what they do

I had a very good night last night, but it had little to do with the Augie March gig. All the way home from the Metro I was wondering what on earth I’d write about that gig last night. I was really disappointed, but mainly with two things – the set list and the crowd. The set list, which I’ll post only because I actually made a note of it, went thus –

Just Passing Through
Cold Acre
Thin Captain Crackers
Mother Greer
Stranger Strange
Sunstroke House
Baron of Sentiment
Men Who Follow Spring the World ‘Round
Bolte and Dinstan Talk Youth
Hole in Your Roof
Drowning Dream
One Crowded Hour

Encore:
Bottle Baby
Honey Month
Train
Vernoona – I’m really not sure about this one. I had it as the Good Gardener on How He Fell, but walking to the bus stop last night and humming it to myself I think I convinced myself it was Vernoona.

16 songs. 11 from MYBC (and one of the 3 songs from the album they missed was Clockwork, easily one of the best off the album). The highlights for me (apart from Bottle Baby) were definitely the older songs. I think, perhaps, I’ve been spoilt with crowds this year. Bar the gigs at The Basement (and really, that’s a whole other thing) all the crowds at all the shows this year have been great. Last night not so much.

I wonder if, considering the crowd they were playing to last night, and the recent success they’ve had with their latest album, the band feels artistically compromised. I wonder how much of the MYBC-heavy set list was due to them wanting to play their newer material, and now much it’s them understanding their audience and knowing that to hold their attention they needed to hit them up with the songs that got radio play.

It’s going to slay me to say this, because it’s clear as day how much I love the song, but who knew One Crowded Hour would create such a monster.

I have seen this band live 3 times now. This is easily the roughest, musically, I’ve seen them. The crappy sound quality, particularly for the first few songs, didn’t really help this. Glenn also seemed to have a bit of a scratchy throat. I have such good (albeit vodka-addled) memories of the first gig I saw at @Newtown, and the show at the Enmore was actually amazing. I came away last night feeling disappointed.

Blah! Next time they come through town I will still see them, being the CFG that I am, and I hope like hell the MYBC bandwagon has died down some and we can start with the listening. Because Augie March are sure as hell worth really listening to.

O singer, I don’t believe your song

March 19th, 2007

Dear Glenn,

Firstly, thank you. You clearly got my letter. I got 2 out of 4 possible requests, one of them being Sunstroke House, so a girl ought to be happy with that.

You’d think so, wouldn’t you.

Fact is, I came away from that gig last night with a pretty bad taste in my mouth. I tend to assume the best in people, you know? I tend to hope people will know how to behave and know how to shut the hell up when it matters. Turns out I was a bit wrong in this regard. That crowd last night rivaled the crowd at the now infamous Eels gig I attended at the same venue last year. How can people who pay money to attend a music show clearly dislike and not understand music as much as these people seemed to last night?

My heart swelled when I heard the opening bars of Sunstroke House. What the HELL was that guy doing, trying to (and failing to) clap along in time? How is that a clapalong song? In some crazy alternate universe maybe. It’s such a delicately beautiful song and last night it was massacred.

Also, dude, I gotta say – the fact that you didn’t completely lose it last night staggers me somewhat. I’ve read that you get upset with audiences and I’ve been witness to your onstage outbursts before. Last night I was totally ready for you to walk, particularly during Bottle Baby (BLESS you for playing this by the way) when someone sneezed and a large part of the crowd decided it was the FUNNIEST THING THEY’D EVER HEARD. FFS.

Still, there were highlights. When the crowd shut up Sunstroke House and Men Who Follow Spring the Planet ‘Round were great. Also, Train and Hole in Your Roof almost took the ceiling off the place.

Thanks for trying. Thanks for not walking off. I’m hoping you don’t wait 3 years to release another album, because I really think you need to get the One Crowded Hour monkey off your back. Please don’t despair, because there are who come see you who hang on to every word you say and will keep listening regardless of how many casual listeners dig your single.

Much love,

Karen.

Super Sunday

March 18th, 2007
  • Feelin’ good.
  • Contemplating cleaning.
  • Not too seriously.
  • Wondering if it’d be wrong to have Easter egg for breakfast.
  • Thinking yes is probably the answer to that question but I’m not sure when that ever stopped me doing anything.
  • Listening to Darren Hanlon.
  • MANILLA, NSW.
  • So. Excited. about Augie March tonight.
  • Feeling like a road trip, but I have limited hours today. I DO have that trip to Cowra coming up though. And I should probably go to Wagga some time soon.
  • Wondering if there’s a way to set up a Spandeau Ballet free zone around my car.
  • Kicking myself for not loading the new Wilco album on my iPod yesterday.
  • DOWNLOADING IS BAD KIDS OKAY?@!
  • Thinking I should buy no more CDs this week. If I added up the money I’ve spent on music this week it’d make me feel faint.
  • So I won’t.
  • More than a little bit in love with Andrew Bird.
  • Missing Ani DiFranco.
  • Hoping desperately she tours again.
  • Wondering the best way to hem this bridesmaid dress. I like to pretend I can sew, but it’s moments like these I realise I’m kidding no one.
  • Thinking that I need to buy another CD rack sometime soon.
  • Thinking I should phone the Metro to make sure I can take in a camera tonight.
  • Wanting to swim out past the breakers and watch the world die.

Don’t read it, don’t watch it, don’t do what they do

March 17th, 2007

I feel a shift.  I’d say in the air, but I’m not sure that’s accurate.  It’s all over the place.  There are things that should be bothering me, but that aren’t.  My house is a mess, but I really couldn’t care less.  Work is roughly 46 shades of fucked right now and tonight it’s actually not bothering me at all.  You know what else?  I actually slept today for about an hour, got up (snarky, granted) and feel like I could actually sleep again right now.

This, for a person who has stupid amounts of insomnia, is a truly wonderful thing.

Today is an exciting day at CFG HQ.  Two new album releases – Armchair Apocrypha by Andrew Bird and We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank by Modest Mouse.  The former I picked up pretty easily from Windsor Sounds, but the later I actually had to trek to the Leading Edge in Penrith for.  And boy was it worth it.

I’ve listened to the album three times through now, and it’s wonderful.  There is, however, something missing.  At least, to my mind it’s something missing.  When you experience a songwriter/band over a period of years/albums, they tend to develop a personality in your head.  Even with the variety in sound over Bird’s albums (particularly when factoring in his Bowl of Fire stuff) he still had a musically personality in my head.  This album steps to the side of that.

This, by the way, is in no way a bad thing.  I need to listen to the album some more and think about this, because I want to be able to articulate it a lot better than that.

Seriously though?  This music is wonderful.

Modest Mouse will get a go in the car tomorrow on my way to the city.  Augie March!  Huzzah!

…

Dear Glenn,

I’m seeing you tomorrow night.  I will be one of the sea of faces in front of you, mouthing along to most of the words, with a rapturous look on her face.  I am just kinda grateful for the opportunity of experiencing you live again, but I have one little request…

How about playing Sunstroke House?  It’s one of my favourite songs from Strange Bird, and this, given how much I love this album and all the songs on it, is really something.  I’d love to be able to describe what this song does to my insides, but to be honest I’m not sure I’d do it properly.  It’s kind of a combination of sadness and melancholy and empty, lonely hallways and Sunday afternoons where the sun is disappearing too quickly.

Anyway, I’m sure whatever you play it’ll be amazing.  I’m so very excited.

See you and the band tomorrow,

Karen.

P.S.  No Such Place would also be okay.  Or Bottle Baby.  Or Song in the Key of Chance.  Okay stopping now.

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