Never mind about the cost

My goodness.  When did a Tori Amos gig become a + $100 event??!  Generally if I want to see a band/musician badly enough, I’ll just go.  I’m not really one to bitch about ticket prices, particularly for international acts I’m wanting to see badly enough.  But man oh man – over 100 bucks for Ms Amos?  I wasn’t expecting that and I don’t think I’ll be there.  All the power to those of you that do go, though.

Bands like Wilco are getting up there, but there’s still something in my head about that magical $100 mark.  I paid that for U2.  I paid that (well, double that) when I bought tickets for my Dad and I to see the Eagles.  I just checked and yep, Bob Dylan is up there plus plus.  Acts like the Rolling Stones etc. are going to garner that sort of ticket price, because you’d guess the demand for tickets and the frequency they tour warrant it.

I paid almost that for Tool, and genuinly they put on a great show for that price, what with the lazers and all.  The Entertainment Centre is honestly though the most vibe-void performance space there ever was.  I paid just a little less than Tool for Wilco, and I swear to god I’d pay it three times over.  Especially to see them at the Enmore.  I’d expect DiFranco to be up toward the $70 mark when (if she god damn ever) comes back.

But then, the best gig I’ve seen all year (and really, I highly doubt it will be beaten) I paid $30 for.  A lot of the international gigs that blew me away this year were around the $40 to $70 mark.  And then there are those local gigs you pay a $10 or $15 cover charge for that completely surprise you.  We saw Dead Letter Chorus at the Hopetoun on June 15 and this was a perfect example of that – 2 pretty good bands and one great one for a teeny tiny cover charge.

Anyway I started this and I’ve no idea where I’m going with it, but I think it’s a little sad that there will be some crazyfangirls and boys out there who will miss out on the Tori Amos experience because they’re poor.  I remember being poor and wanting to see international acts.  It really bites the big one.  When you live in Wagga there’s the whole added shizzat of transport and accommodation and what have you, and when you’re 17, poor, and live in Wagga???  Seriously, you might as well forget a live music scene even exists.  I remember sneaking into the Union when I was 16 or 17 to see the Wagga band Stonehouse (who were terrible, incidently, but the lead singer was kinda hot) and thinking that was truly the most amazing musical experience EVER.  Dear me.

Older chests

I think I mentioned earlier in the week that while looking for something in my archives I came across some stuff.  Turns out reading old blog entries is like reading old letters you’ve written or old journals – there’s all at once this driving compulsion and repulsion.  It’s like a train wreck but you can’t look away.  It’s the reason I don’t do it very often.

It would be only a little understatement to say that the year of 2006 was dark.  So much happened last year.  Bad stuff.  Stuff that made me question so much about myself and my family and all the decisions I’d made up until that point.  The best way I know to describe it is growing pains – I don’t think I have ever done so much growing in a 12 month period as I did last year and in the latter stages of 2005.

There was a period of perhaps 3 to 6 months where there was a lot of woe is me, a lot of I’m so confused, and a lot of it’s so dark and I can’t see the light.  Must have been terribly interesting to read. :P  It was the reason I started the blog though – a way to articulate the mess.  An attempt to, at least.  It’s turned into something else, and actually bought me many things, but that’s how it started.

Something changed though.  From the outside it may look like something changed because I moved or met new people or started seeing someone really wonderful.  And sure all those things are a large part of why I’m in a much happier place right now.  No understatement to say about a billionty times happier.  But then on the weekend I came across this post.

It helped me realise… I had control over these things happening.  At some point I made a choice, subconscious or not, that things were not right and I had to make changes.  I think at the time that last post was written, as much as there was a decent amount of resignation and throwing my hands in the air and WHAT THE FUCK about it, I’d decided to let a lot of stuff go.  Metaphorically I mean.  And through that I opened myself up to a lot of new things.  So as much as the changes increased the happy, I made the changes.  Myself.

I’m not sure you can ever know what you truly want and need until you’re happy with yourself.  At least, on some important levels.  I have some issues to straighten out, and some self-confidence stuff the people very close to me are aware of, but as a rule I’m getting kinda clear about what I want.  And with that, it’s almost like the universe is presenting it or something.  Since the time of that post, at the end of last year, so much has happened.  And it’s all stuff that has been as good or better even as last year was bad.  And that was pretty bad.  And it’s not about it being ‘my time’ or luck or anything like that – at least, that’s what I’ve come to realise.  It’s about backing myself and taking control and telling myself I deserve it.

I need to keep telling myself that, because I have this persistent, annoying voice at the back of my brain consistently telling me that I don’t.  But I have the muffler on it right now and the music, and I mean music in the all-encompassing sense not just he melodical and lyrical sense, is drowning it out.  I wonder why it is that some people have just as much trouble accepting the good as they do accepting the bad – almost more trouble, even.  Members of my family have a talent for it.  Last year I spent a lot of time trying to break out of that mould and you know what?  I think I’m getting there.  I’ve some work to do, physically and mentally, but I’m getting there.

And I feel really good about that.


Today at work, mid afternoon, Pat came in out of the rain having made a trip to the post office.  She came into my office bearing a pretty large box from my Mum that contained –

  • My cardigan that I left in Wagga.
  • My manicure set that I left in Wagga.  (Yes, I leave things places.  It’s something I do).
  • A new pair of flannelette pyjamas that are ORANGE with BUMBLEBEES on them.  My mother has this thing of getting me flannelette pyjamas.  I have like 7 pairs now, including pink with zebras, lime green with mooses (my favourite), purple with dogs, yellow with cats in pink sunglasses, and other stuff I can’t remember right now.  It’s crazy is what it is.  Crazy and awesome.
  • And, the best best best thing in the whole box, a crocheted cat basket –

YES that’s a yellow and orange crocheted RUG inside that crocheted cat basket.  And YES that’s a MF crocheted BLUE FISH.  Inside the crocheted cat basket.

Is that not the most awesome thing you’ve ever seen?  Not only do I have the cutest kitten in the world, I have the best mother ever.  Really.  I feel so lucky tonight.

I’m really trying to shine here, I’m really trying

I actually have another post written about a different post I wrote that I stumbled across today when looking for something completely unrelated.  It’s something about how far I’ve come and the changes I’ve made and the impetus of those changes and the changes that are yet to come and how excited I am about that and what not.  But do you know what?  I’m not going to finish and/or post it tonight.

I’m going to gush about The National instead.

Because seriously, people, you need to listen to this band.  I’m late to the National bandwagon, but I am 100% on board.  Matt Berninger honestly has the most delicious voice and there’s something insanely addictive about the drubbing, subtle beats and the alternately driving and lilting melodies.  And that’s not even mentioning the lyrics.  I mean, please –

Looking for somewhere to stand and stay
I leaned on the wall and the wall leaned away
Can I get a minute of not being nervous
And not thinking of my dick
My leg is sparkles, my leg is pins
I better get my shit together, better gather my shit in
You could drive a car through my head in five minutes
From one side of it to the other

And my true love for this band has nothing to do with that amazing song of theirs called Karen.  Or the song City Middle where he sings about her red socks and red shoes.  Well, maybe it has a little to do with it.  It’d be different if the songs sucked, but they really don’t.

I heard a live set of theirs on Friday last week at the 9:30 Club in Washington DC and holy moly – they played About Today second to last and I nearly lost it.  I’m going to be stuck on this band for a little while I think.

Unless I get distracted by Okkervil River.  That might happen too.

Bed now.

Again also –

I have this thing about forgetting about Andrew Bird every so often.  Well, not really forgetting, but kinda misplacing.  And then I’ll pull out The Mysterious Production of Eggs (which is what I’m listening to right now) or Weather Systems or even Armchair Apocrypha, and after about 2 minutes I am lost.  Lost in a sea of melodic and musical and lyrical wonder.

Just don’t let the human factor, fail to be a factor, at all.


Also –

Let’s all be thankful for friends who not only have cats and cat knowledge, but have enough enthusiasm about YOU getting one to drive all the way to Yagoona with you to pick one up.  Thanks Al 🙂

Apartment story

So, there’s this thing.  It’s something that happened (I guess you could call it recently, but it’s been over some months, really).  Well, someone that happened.  And I’ve not been writing about it.

There were a couple of reasons for this.  Firstly, I wanted to keep it close.  I wanted to see what it was like to have something fairly huge happen in your life and keep it close.  I’ve been attempting that over the last 6 months or so and you know what?  It seems to be working.  The whole ‘let’s not play the whole thing out in our minds and tell the whole world about it and sabotage any chance it had from the outset as a result’ thing is seemingly paying dividends.  So, there was that.  Also, when there’s a whole other person involved, a whole other person who reads this damn thing, I felt like it was apt to take some care, you know?  I might be the sort of girl who doesn’t mind spewing forth into the world of the internets everything contained within her skull, but I get that others don’t really roll like that.

Also, there’s another reason.  In the past, well, in past relationships at least, I’ve felt like there was some form of emotional currency.  Like, you let someone in, or you let them see just how much you care about them, and it’s almost like they save this up to use against you later on.  They keep it safe in their mind and it builds into this thick comfort buffer and before you know it they’re numb to you and they feel comfortable taking you and your affection for granted.

So anyway, there were discussions on the weekend, and I feel a little more comfortable going there.  Not that this is going to turn into a blog about the boy, but I don’t feel like I need to step around it anymore.  He’s lovely though.  Just so you know.  Well, he’s many things, but lovely is one of them.

Kinda feels good to write about it.

It’s much more likely to turn into a blog about the cat.  Bowie tells me he’s ready for a career as an internet celebrity, and I think he has what it takes.  He’s definitely precocious enough and self-centered enough to blog.  Actually, right now he’s asleep right by my keyboard, and it’s the cutest thing ever.

Yes.  This is what you have to look forward to.  216 posts in a row of OMG KITTEN CUTENESS.


New addition to CFG HQ

So, we officially have a mascot in these here parts.

Everyone, meet Bowie –

I picked Bowie up from the RSPCA animal shelter in Yagoona yesterday.  His likes include sleeping, sliding on floorboards into walls, chasing rolled up pieces of tin foil, and sitting on my keyboard. His dislikes include me putting him down from my desk, me shutting him out of my bedroom, and ironically Cat Power. Every time I put Cat Power on he goes feral. We’re going to have to work on that.

Also, I think he wants to start a blog. It’s just a feeling I get.

Honestly, CUTEST KITTEN IN THE WORLD. Fer serious. He’s a lot of trouble but he’s also a lot of fun. And you can never have too much fun.

Definitely articled

This blog post on Last Plane to Jakarta was recently bought to my attention.  Besides making me insanely curious to hear anything at all by the band the Bowerbirds, it makes a valid point RE: hating on the ‘the’.  Let it go people.  I doubt the Arcade Fire get thier knickers in a twist about it.