I hold my cards up close to my chest

April 27th, 2006

I spoke to Hellen on the phone tonight. It was so good to speak to her properly again – since she’s been away I have really missed her. And it’s not just the emails every day, or the regular text messages. It’s been a tumultuous few weeks, and not having her presence has made general navigation more difficult. She’s always in my corner, and always there to tell me I’m not going crazy – it’s everyone else. I missed that.


Tomorrow is all about KoRn. I’m looking forward to it, but Hellen is almost peeing her pants with excitement. It will be a lot of fun :)


Tonight I took a step. It was a small one, when you factor in the size of the ultimate goal, but really the effort it took to take that step was monumental. I am not telling anyone about it, I’m holding it close. My resolve is small and delicate. If it pokes its head out of a hole, you’ve almost got to turn your back on it and ignore the fact it’s there. And don’t draw attention to it – telling everyone else that it’s there is a sure-fire way to scare it back to where it came from.


So I’m holding it close in the hope that it will hang around. I feel things shifting, both in myself and the world around me. It’s a little unsettling, but it’s exciting too because I know what it means. It means good things. And I’m ready.


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