These days I’m not good at crowds.
My anxiety can make large groups of people difficult to navigate. Even small groups of people, if they’re loud enough. I deal with gigs okay because there’s a focus away from the people – as soon as the lights go down and the music starts I mostly forget how many other people are there.
This week I reached out to a friend I haven’t seen in a while to catch up today. She said she was going to the races and asked if I wanted to come. My knee-jerk reaction was a hard no. Apart from the opportunity to catch up with some good people I really couldn’t think of anything I would want to do less.
But I thought about what I had written earlier in the week. About the distance I have between me and a lot of people I currently have in my life. And so I messaged back that I would come.
I negotiated with myself – you can get there a little late, and leave a little early. And I did. And it was fine. And really nice to catch up with them all.
But I am absolutely, 100% exhausted now. Exhausted to the point that I don’t feel well. It might be a combination of boot camp this morning and then being on my feet (and a lot of it in the sun) a lot of the day, but it’s hard to tell. I didn’t drink enough water today, which I know isn’t helping. I’ve tried to make up for it over the last couple of hours and no doubt I will be up peeing all night.
I don’t feel good and I’m going to bed.
Tonight I am grateful that I live in Newtown. I am a little disheartened by the state election today but I am happy I live in my socially liberal bubble in the Inner West.
A positive thing about myself today: see above. I pushed myself to do something I didn’t really want to do, and I’m glad that I did.