Here’s a bag to bury you in

This week has felt long, but not in an ‘omg kill me now’ sort of way. It just feels like it has been a long time since Monday, and that I have fit a lot into this week.

Which I guess is a good thing.

I was determined to fit an extra workout in this week, because I promised I’d do three weights sessions, and I wanted to try and get a spin class in on Sunday. I woke up feeling less than stellar this morning, but as planned I put my gym gear on at lunch time and just put one foot in front of the other until I was there, before I could think about it too much.

We’ve started a new program, which as I said on Wednesday I’ve been enthusiastic about. The workout I had scheduled today has two exercises in it I don’t love, but I actually felt okay about it and ready to just run at it head on.

I got there and started the warm-up. It was at this point that the program felt like a pretty big step up from the last one. I was two thirds into the warm-up when the hopelessness and resignation hit, and I actually felt like I wanted to cry. I was really struggling with the exercises – the one-legged glute bridges in particular. That circular hopelessness started up in my head – Karen, you’re only two thirds through the warm-up and you already can’t get this done.

It was mentally very hard work from that point. I did get through the workout, but I am pretty certain the planks I was doing on the fit ball weren’t the most amazing planks in the world. My split squats felt terrible and I am pretty sure, if I mentally gave myself more of a chance today, I could have done better than the heaviest weight with the assisted pull up.

But I got through it. Even the bloody finisher at the end. I can’t say I felt euphoric at the end – I felt relief more than anything.

I don’t know that the workout on Monday is going to feel any better than this. I hope it does. But I do know that if I do these exercises over and over enough times they will get better. And I will be able to at least get through the warmup without feeling like I want to curl up in a ball and cry.

Tonight I am grateful for my guitar teacher, who has been super understanding about me dicking him around all week while I try to sort my schedule out.

A positive thing about myself today: I didn’t give up on that workout today. And I will show up to boot camp tomorrow. It’s a cliche, I know, but tomorrow really is a new day.

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