Home again garden grove

May 28th, 2006

I’ve been thinking to myself how freaking cold it is tonight, so I just looked at the BOM website and apparently 6 minutes ago it was 3 degrees. No kidding it’s cold. I think I need to get one of those snake things for the front door – sitting where I am it’s like the cold air is constantly breathing on my feet. A towel would probably work just as well. I should get on that.

What I love about Salt ‘n’ Pepa (apart from their funk) is that they weren’t afraid to wear full bodied lycra jumpsuits.

Nathan called me this morning. It was really nice to hear from him – he seems to have worked through the shit he was going through with the mother in law, so that’s something. Most of the reason he called was that he got a hold of a whole lot of unused, already stretched canvases. Apparently they’re all varied sizes, and from what I got him to check on the phone they seem to be stretched reasonably well. I’m going to pick them up when I go down there in July. I have no idea what I’m going to do with them yet – I will see what size they are first. I’ve had this idea in my head, about dark playing on light, generally rather than specifically, and about the way artificial light permeates a dark space. I don’t know; it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. I need to find somewhere to paint. The garage I found is a good idea, but can you IMAGINE how cold it would be in there right now?! Ah, yeah.

I got a lot done at work today. There’s a small part of me that resents having to be there when no one else is, because really the only reason I’m there is because I spend all week dealing with problems in THEIR job. Still, Saturdays are so productive for me. I think I get more done on one half day on Saturday than on 3 normal week days. I’m talking real, money making work. Stuff that actually show up on the radar as being work. Some days during the week, if I leave my office, it takes me 45 minutes to an hour to get back to my desk. I get stopped with question after question and I get drawn into discussions and problems. It’s probably something I can improve if I get better at saying no.

I really should work on that.

Weirdest occurrence today – getting a text message from the boss lady at 9:30AM this morning asking me what she should wear to go paintballing. WTF? I’m not sure giving that advice (particularly on Saturday mornings) is in my job description.

Yesterday, putting together an application for a police clearance (for my registration to become an agent) I had to write down all the addresses I’d resided at over the last 10 years. That’s a long time. What I realised, though, is how long I’ve lived here. It’s nuts, because in my head I’d decided it was 2 years. Try 3 and a half. Where the hell did that time go? And what do I have to show for it?

In thinking about it though, I think I have achieved a lot in the last 3 and a half years. I got over the devastation of a broken heart. I found more of myself than I have probably ever known. I’ve made a lot of new friends and become more successful in my job that I was in the 5 odd years prior. I’ve travelled to far off countries and achieved things I never thought possible. All good things.

Even though I have a long way to go before I achieve everything I want for myself, the difference now is I know exactly what needs to be done. When I first moved into this little holeinthewall I was so lost. I had no direction or purpose and in retrospect I was very sad. Amanda had moved to get married, leaving me homeless (metaphorically), and I was really unenthusiastic about finding something else. I house sat for Debbie for about a month when she was in England, then Alan for about 6 weeks when he was in Europe, which effectively meant living out of a suitcase for that period of time. Alan came back from Europe and I spent about 3 weeks sleeping on his floor – probably not such a hot idea, but it still wasn’t enough to get me excited about finding somewhere new to live. Then I picked up the local paper one day at work and there was an advert for this place.

Pat was actually the one who convinced me to call – I wasn’t keen on the sound of the ad. When I first came down here and met Charlie and looked at the place, while the view knocked me out the first time I saw it, I was repelled right away by how brown and small it was on the inside and said I’d have to think about it. It took me maybe 30 seconds (basically until the end of the driveway) to decide to take it – who was I kidding? I needed something quickly, I could move into this right away, and I wouldn’t have to share it with anyone. And besides – it didn’t have to be for a long period of time. In hindsight moving here was one of the best decisions I have made. Through being liberated in my own physical space, I became more comfortable with my mental space. At least, that’s what it feels like. The next step is to get comfortable with the space I take up in the world. I’m working on that.

I can feel that it’s almost time for a change. Whether that means buying something, renting something else, or moving to a new city or country, I have no idea. It’s kinda exciting not knowing. I will be sad to leave this little place though – even with its peg thieves and lack of storage and crappy shower head and lack of real kitchen, it’s home. At least, it became home.


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