The world is my oyster, you know, the road is my home

December 22nd, 2005

Wagga just gets smaller and smaller. Every time I cross the Murrumbidgee there seems to be less and less here that I understand. I’m sure a lot of it is to do with time and distance, but it’s mostly to do with how much I’ve changed since I moved.

It is very, very difficult for me to have a conversation with anyone here that extends beyond the weather. And that would be fine, if they didn’t want to speak to me about politics and religion. But they do, endlessly, and it’s absolutely impossible here to hold a differing point of view. It’s almost like a game they play – they don’t actually really want to discuss it, in the way I like to discuss things (i.e. to listen to the other person’s point of view and maybe broaden my own). They just rehash the same shit over and over again. Them: Geez, the price of petrol has gone through the roof. Those bloody politicians there in Canberra just keep taxing things more and more, and since the GST came it’s even worse! Me: Well, there is tax on petrol, but some of it’s used for roads and really it’s the global market that sets fuel prices, not the Australian government. Them (after looking at me like I’ve grown a second head): They’re all the same those politicians; they just want your money for their retirement packages.

And so we go, round and round, about petrol and taxes and immigrants and racism and the price of a loaf of bread. It’s so much easier for them to just keep up this one way pseudo dialogue, then to actually look up and out and see what the problem really is. And sometimes it feels like I’m BEATING MY HEAD AGAINST A FUCKING WALL@%!^@! But I’m learning to let it go :P

And I’m sure the physical sickness I felt today when I heard Hayley use the term ‘boat jumper’ will pass eventually.

Last night was a lot of fun. Different to what I’d normally do for fun, which made it better I think in a way because it was so unexpected. It was the kind of fun that involves eating take away and watching trashy TV and walking around paddocks in pyjamas and flip flops in the dark looking for horses. And falling down holes and laughing so much my stomach hurt. I’m glad I had a chance to see Angela before Christmas – it’s more and more likely she’s moving to Brisbane soon so I’m going to try and catch up with her as much as I can before she goes. Even though I don’t see her a lot, I will miss her all the same. You can never have too many friends nearby.

I need to find some friends in the same postcode I think. The only close friend I have in the Hawkesbury right now is Selina, and things there are more complicated than they should be. All my closest friends are in the city, or in Campbelltown, or in Canberra, Brisbane or Melbourne. Means a lot of time on the phone and in the car ;)

Tomorrow is another funeral. Adam’s Nan passed away on Tuesday. I saw him today and he’s not coping so well, which I get. He has changed a lot since school, and he is a lot more in control of his anger now, but I saw flashes of him from back then today when he was fighting with his Dad. I guess situations like this will do that to you.


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