I will get lonely and gasp for air

August 22nd, 2006

Adam Spencer played Half Dead from Get Lonely this morning. Not only that, he introduced it using John Darnielle’s name, mentioning the album, and that it was released today. The Mountain Goats, it turns out, are one of Mr Spencers favourite bands.

Being in love with a taken man is very, very hard.

The less said about my job tonight the better. Tomorrow morning I will again start at 7:30AM, and I will again get no where near enough done. I may need someone, around Thursday say, to remind me to breathe.

At what point do you differentiate between cutting your nose off to spite your face, and settling? I’m not sure it’s wrong to want to be with someone who wants to be with me because they dig ME, rather than being with someone who just digs the idea. I think Hell is convinced I’ll talk myself out of any potential relationship using this argument on the premise they couldn’t possibly be interested in me, they must just be sufficiently desperate to want anyone. It’s not about that. At least I’m pretty sure it’s not. On good days I like to think the part of me that likes myself wins out over the part of me that has nothing but intense hatred and disappointment in myself. There’s plenty to like, but there’s also plenty to blah about.

I guess it’s the same with anyone.

I don’t think a person needs to jump at every relationship opportunity to end up in the right one. Maybe I have it wrong. It’s just, I’m not settling. And I sorta feel everything right now would be settling.

Also, I need to get rid of this thing I have for people who treat me like crap or with ambivalence. I think I might be some sort of masochist.

I like being on my own. I love coming home at night and shutting the world out, being able to dance like I’m retarded and talk to my goldfish and cook suspect things using mayonnaise and leftover chicken that no one else but me has to eat. Also, I get to listen to whatever music I like – I’m not sure how I’d go with compromising on that one point. The music thing is a biggy – I’ve said in the past that really, when it comes to being with someone, it’s not that important. I’m very seriously reassessing that, because holy moly, if I dig a person and then find out they like 10CC, I might cry. Or, if they said they couldn’t stand Sufjan Stevens, I’d have to call the whole thing off.

But, even having said all that, I sometimes think it would be nice. There was some crappy movie that I think had Ben Affleck in it that made a reference to having a ‘last call of the day’ or something similar. Someone who thinks of you before they end their day, and someone who is thinking about you more often than they think about anything else.

I’m feeling particularly raw tonight and I think if someone put the boot in I’d stay curled on the ground in a foetal position and never get up. Listening to Songs: Ohia is probably not helping this.

Oh and???

If You See Light makes all of Get Lonely okay. Even JD’s voice on Wild Sage. I’m fairly certain I could listen to this song straight for the next 2 weeks and not get sick of it.


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