I’d not become a cephalopod

September 20th, 2006

Every now and again I’ll read back over some stuff that I’ve written here if I’m either looking for or trying to remember something. Some stuff makes me cringe, but I guess you get that. I have a feeling that post I wrote last night is going to be fairly cringe-worthy at some stage, if it isn’t already. I was feeling very, very sorry for myself. Unfortunately because I don’t really verbalise stuff to anyone in real time, it all seems to manifest itself here. I guess that’s the whole idea though, right?

And eventually, regardless, I do get over myself ;)

Ultimately it’s up to me how I react to pressure and stress. Still, I’m not sure I want to be the sort of person who is in control of their emotions every second of the day. What happens to a person who loses the ability to act and feel spontaneously? I don’t even want to think about that, because the idea is just terrifying. Sure, a person who is able to keep check on how much any given situation will affect them decreases their ability to get hurt, upset and angry. Is that really a good thing though? I think to feel anger and hurt is just as important as happiness and joy. There is no balance otherwise. I wish often that I was less all or nothing when it comes to every day things, but when it boils down to it I’d rather be that way than lose any ability to feel at all.

How much difference is there really between happiness welling up inside of you when you hear a song that you love, and that sick feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when someone says something (consciously or otherwise) that hurts you? I’m sure it all comes from the same place. If losing the hurt meant losing the joy I’d line up for the kick in the guts any day.

I’m sure there’s a balance between being all heart on sleeve and being allusive and mysterious. Showing all your emotion to the world can be hair-raising at times, but people who have the mysteriously allusive vibe going are just as painful to deal with.

Anyway, we’re resuming scheduled programming. There will be more posts about bananas and Adam Spencer and the new Love Outside Andromeda album and less posts about the blargh.

And the world will rejoice.


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