Song 1 – Still my heart this moment

Gorecki – Lamb

I go through stages of listening to a lot of Lamb. I own Fear of Fours, the self-titled album and also the Best Of, so I wouldn’t call myself a die hard fan. Still, at times there is nothing else that will do. The sounds they weave and the aural landscapes they create are oftentimes perfect for a particular mood I’m in. Also, the baseline and bah dah bah dah in B-Line make me so HAPPY.

But that’s not the song I’m writing about.

Gorecki is one of those songs that is stopyoudeadinyourtracks beautiful. I’ve known people to brush it off as being overly sentimental but I think they’re missing the point. So many people in the world shut themselves off to experiencing true emotion and interaction with others due to the potential hurt involved. They talk in metaphor, or they play little word games, or they dress up sentences with ambivalence and ambiguity so they can quickly backpedal should a situation go bad. Save the heart at all costs.

Do you know how much strength it takes to strip all that back? Actually, you probably do. Anyone who has ever fallen for someone or who is even remotely self-aware knows that. To place yourself in front of another person and declare unequivocally that they are the one for you leaves yourself so wide open to hurt and absolute devastation. It takes so much strength to bare your heart like that. There was never a truer example of this than Gorecki –

If I should die this very moment
I wouldn’t fear
For I’ve never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you
Still in my heart this moment
Or it might burst

Could we stay right here
Until the end of time, until the earth stops turning?
Wanna love you until the seas run dry
I’ve found the one I’ve waited for

I’ve found the one I’ve waited for. It’s so final. Like she, or at least, the narrator of this particular story, is done now. There is nothing better or truer than this. For a person like me who is so indecisive and constantly second-guessing, this is astounding.

I have my own story relating to this song that’s less than fun. I had broken up with Alan (the first time, because lord knows that was the worst one) and I was leaving work. Silly me thought I had been hiding well the fact that I was desolate and torn apart on the inside. Pat followed me to the gate on my way out of the office and said ‘are you doing okay?’ and I at this point kinda lost it and said ‘no, not really’. She was very good and I’m sure said all the right things and I eventually got in the car and drove away. I had the radio on, and the window was down and I remember the cool air being some relief on my hot face. A girl phoned up and requested Gorecki because it was her wedding the following week and they were hoping to use it in the ceremony. I was fine until Lou started singing. She barely got through the first line before I had to pull off the road. It was possibly THE worst song I could have heard at that particular time.

Now the song means something different to me though. I’m a lot less idealistic, sure, but it’s still heartening. I don’t want to lose that part of me that is prepared to open myself up wide to potential hurt and therefore potential happiness. It reminds me to always stay open to opportunity and to love and to people and to emotion, because shutting yourself down or building a wall around yourself is no way to live. The more wide open you are the more room there is for the good stuff to come in. It’s not just the lyrics though. The way the song builds to the crescendo of chimes and drums and bass and chanting at the end is just spine tingling.

I’m not sure I could ever get sick of hearing it.

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