To the person who found this website by Googling â€˜I donâ€™t understand grief. I donâ€™t know how you can have an upbeat day and something like misplacing your keys can trigger a memory of the person you lost and everything just falls away.â€™,
I have some strange search queries, but this one has made me stop dead in my tracks.
I donâ€™t understand grief either.Â I once used to think it was saved for and isolated to only the people close to you that pass away.Â Experience and a bit of age has taught me this is just not true â€“ I grieve for my grandmother, sure, but I also grieve for friends I have let slip away and the mother I knew growing up and the little girl inside of me that reality is slowly chiseling away and that part of me that was willing to jump from a precipice without anything to hold on to.
And why is it that it can hit you heavy in the gut when you least expect it?Â When youâ€™re listening to a song or you smell onions cooking or you hear the sound of heels on concrete.Â Youâ€™re humming along nicely in your day to day whatever and all of a sudden BAM â€“ youâ€™re on your knees.Â And then you realise youâ€™ve been clenching your fists so tightly the skin on your palms has torn and your breath is coming in short, sharp gasps.Â The grief has taken you and left you reeling.
Youâ€™ll probably never read this but thatâ€™s okay because Iâ€™ve got no answers for you.Â Just a whole lot more questions.Â Still, knowing someone was sitting at a web browser one day/night making this statement to the great, wide, unknown world, all at once makes me feel marginally better and terribly sad.
I hope you find what youâ€™re looking for.