Like a sad record skipping

Everyone has a greatest fear.  People who say they aren’t scared of anything are liars.  Mine, apart from the whole being buried alive thing (don’t even get me started on that scene from Kill Bill 2) is losing the people closest to me.  Through death, sure, because that’s the way these things usually manifest themselves.  But in other ways as well, if I were really being honest.  It’s the reason I’ll usually forgive too much and stay friends with all my exes.  That’s a whole other thing though.

Conversations and situations from today have this fear riding pole position in my head tonight.  You start hearing terms like ‘prolonging life’ and ‘making him as comfortable as possible’ and ‘organ transplant’ and the fear rushes up in you with a gale force and leaves you feeling sick and dizzy.  You’ll do most anything to get rid of that feeling and regain some control over the situation, but really, you’re completely powerless.

I’ve sorta stopped using this here space on the interwebs for writing this sort of thing.  It’s because of a number of reasons, I guess.  It’s all very well to open your heart wide in a public forum, but I’m finding oftentimes it’s good to keep the really close stuff close.  Also, I’m finding rapidly that disillusion comes when you realise nothing will make people in your life (or, outside of it) care about a situation you’re experiencing as much as you do.  This isn’t good or bad, it just is what it is.

So here is a post that’s not about music, or about getting my hair cut, or about listening to ABC radio, but just about being sad.  Because I’m kinda sad tonight.  Tomorrow I will get caught up in the whole circus of fitting 10 million things into 8 (well okay probably 12) hours of work time.  Tonight, though, I’m just gonna roll with it.

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2 Replies to “Like a sad record skipping

  1. Elbow (58)
    Elliot Smith (33)
    Augie March (32)

    C’mon…chin up. Try:

    Basement Jaxx (58)
    The Avalanches (33)
    Violent Femmes (32)

  2. Aha, Marmalade, just this comment is enough to cheer a girl up. The Avalanches FTW!

    Seriously though, I have been listening to Wilco all night and there is something about Jeff Tweedy’s voice that makes everything okay.

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