Dumbstruck

July 15th, 2007

This probably should be one of those posts that bloggers do, you know, when the life they have outside of evenings at home with the keyboard takes over.  I mean, I could say something like ‘I’ve not posted for a while’ or ‘I’m posting here a lot less’ but that would be stating the bleeding obvious, right?  So anyway – moving right along.

I remember in very recent history feeling an uncontrollable stab of jealousy when speaking to certain friends about their weekend plans and social lives.  They spoke about going out to see movies, catching up with friends for dinner, parties where the conversation and music choices rotated around bands like Modest Mouse, and generally they were connecting with people who, in their interpretation of the world, ‘got it’.  I had an internal yearning for these things – for connections with people who liked what I liked or wanted to converse on a deeper level than just what phone company they use and the latest episode of Australian Idol.  There was a small group of friends who met this on some level, but for various reasons (like time or geographical constraints) it just wasn’t enough.  Never enough.  I think it’s part of the reason I started this blog.

Turns out you don’t need a group of people, or a circle of friends, or a whole party.  You just need one person – one person with the time for you and the inclination to listen to you.  One person who will smile when you say something because they recognized it was a Wilco lyric.  Or who understands when you spend 30 minutes in raptures over one particular Mountain Goats song, or even just one line in a Mountain Goats song.  Or who understands the need to feed your brain and your soul as much as the rest of your body.  And this is not even about the relationship side of things (even though that is some kind of wonderful).  It’s about not feeling stifled and strange and odd when it comes to your place in the world.  It’s about finding a groove that you fit right into, and getting understanding and validation when you put things out into the world.  I think people consistently underestimate how important that is to your general state of mental well-being.

On Saturday night I was back at the Hopetoun to see Melbourne band the Whiskey Go Go’s.  I’m a girl who’s always gunning for the emotional connection with music – some part of the melody that makes me catch my breath, or that lyric that makes your heart break.  Sometimes, though, it can be good to go to a gig that’s just out and out fun.  Saturday night I had great gobs of musical fun.  Not that they lyrics weren’t good – for the sort of music they were playing, the lyrics were great.  And the lead singer had this very deeply rooted charisma that was all about the tortured musician and I totally bought it.  His voice is pretty great too.

I have a lot of TV channels at my disposal here, and for the life of me I can’t find one thing I want to watch.  I could always watch repeats of Who’s the Boss, but I think every person has their tolerance level for Tony Danza and I reached mine in the 80s.  I’m toying with the idea of putting Feist into the CD player, but I was listening to Joanna Newsom all evening and I want to leave it clean in my head.  I have no idea if that makes sense, but I want to go to bed with Joanna and the song Emily having uninterrupted head space.  The sheer beauty of it swimming around in my head while I fall asleep is the only fit way to end a weekend like the one I’ve just had.

This week is also a short week for me.  After a few interesting days of fighting for leave I didn’t even ask for in the first place (don’t ask), I have Thursday and Friday off.  I have already declared that I have no intention of leaving the house and/or pyjama’s all of Thursday.  I am going to sleep in and have breakfast with my cat and potentially finish unpacking.  Friday is full of potential right now, but it finishes up somewhere that I know will be amazing, so that’s all I need to know right now.  And on Saturday night, East meets West, and it’s going to be a blast.

Fitting 5 days into 3 is gonna kinda suck, but it’s going to be worth it.  This girl feels like she’s living right now, and it’s a MF revelation I tell you.


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