Tonight I’m on my way

So, you could say I know a little bit about music. Also, I tend to be across some of the more obscure local stuff. But they just announced the nominees for the breakthrough single ARIA, and who the hell are Small Mercies?? Anyway. I always tell myself I won’t watch the ARIAs, but then I always invariably do.

And I do NOT understand this Sneaky Soundsystem thing. I would think if you’re looking for dance type stuffs to listen to you could manage a whole lot better than that. I think this might be a good segue for my recent (and slightly disturbing) newfound love of Muscles. But I think I’ll spare you all that tonight.

Anyway, I’m still alive. I’ve come head first out of the conference abyss and I’m feeling more than a bit chipper. This is for a few reasons –

1. It’s like this massive, 12 month weight has come off my shoulders. This conference has honestly been dragging the life blood out of me Monday to Friday for that long. But now it’s done.
2. I did a good job. I can say that now with some amount of confidence.
3. I go back to work tomorrow with a lot of work to do, but there are one or two things I feel very good about. In a couple of ways it feels like a new start, and I actually feel, for the first time in a little while, I have something to build on.
4. I’ve had a wonderful, relaxing weekend. I haven’t had that much sleep in a very long time. It’s so wonderful when a place away from home becomes so comfortable that it feels like home. But that’s a whole other post for a whole other day.
5. There is something very nice about knowing that, no matter where you are and who you’re surrounded by, there is understanding and wonderful company close by if ever you need it.

I live, seemingly, in three different universes right now. I would say parallel universes, but I don’t know enough about time travel etc. to know if this is an accurate representation of my current state of affairs. See, I have this job that completely owns part of my life. It’s a lot better than it was, but when calling a spade a spade (yes, let’s), it takes up a fair chunk of the brain space. Then there’s the little life I’ve carved out for myself in the 3 bedroom cottage in Windsor. Me and my cat and my CD collection. And Antiques Roadshow and Adam Spencer and Tony Jones and Tony Delroy. I’ve worked pretty hard for this little piece of space – it was a long time coming, and now I have it I really feel like I’ve found and cemented a piece of myself.

And then, there’re the weekends. I leave the job and the house and I make my way into a little corner of the city, to a little corner of a building, where I hide away from most everything in that rosy coloured haze. And it’s wonderful. But it’s separate from these other lives that I lead. At least, it has been. Maybe it’s a time thing, because these worlds are now occasionally overlapping. Like Thursday night. And perhaps with some time there’ll be some merging of things and the division won’t feel so severe. Because right now it feels as different as moving from hot to cold water. Not necessarily bad. Just different. And it takes a decent amount of juggling and organization and what not. And rushing from one place to the other. And packing. I feel like I’m forever making sure I have everything I need on me. But I’m actually allowing myself to look and I can see into the future where things might change and/or come together.

There has been a decent amount of thought this evening about all of this. For so long I was intent on simplifying – on paring things down to just ME and what I wanted and what I needed and listening to my internal voice and internal music because god damn, I was so bad at that for a really long time. And I managed to do that – so well that I isolated myself pretty effectively from most everything. But gradually I’ve worked myself back to a pretty full little existence – all I can be is a busy sea of spinning wheels etc. I have a life full of people (+ boy) and the job and the house and the cat and what not. And you know what? I’m still hearing my internal voice. Clear as day, actually. And I think that’s called some sort of progress. I mean, this is no end point, but it’s a step to something, and I think that something might be some kind of wonderful.

I have always felt like I come at things back to front, but I’ve seemingly figured that shit out.

In other, less self-absorbed news I have a lot of new music to listen to. I picked up some Ben Kweller (On My Way) on the weekend, along with both The Flying Club Cup and Gulag Orkestar by Beirut. I can say with some certainty I am falling in love with Beirut. Also, I got the awesomely awesome gift of the new Two Gallants self titled album. I just can’t wait to listen to that. What the Toll Tells is one of my favourite finds of this year (even though it was probably released last year), and the recent EP The Scenery of Farewell has some of the most heartfelt ballads you’ll ever hear. And he has one of the most authentic and expressive voices I’ve heard in a really long time – it’s completely infectious and in a crazy, screamo way, pretty endearing. I’d give a limb to see them live.

Ben Kweller Friday night was so much fun. I’d write a review, but Wayne has already done an awesome one (including a set list) so he saved me the trouble.

The plan this week is to post a lot more. Now all the conference shenanigans are out of the way I might make it to the end of each day without some form of brain atrophy. And besides, I have some shit to say. For the first time in a long time the words really feel like they’re there, waiting to make it to the page. It’s a nice feeling.

God damn it. Stupid daylight savings. I mean, the extra hour of daylight is great and all, but it’s past midnight and I’m not even sleepy. I might go to bed and read some.

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